The power of laughter

"Vaishali, Can't you even remember your lines during a simple Mono Act performance?" "Vaishali, you don't even know to speak. Why didn't you speak in your first Toastmasters Session?" While the first question haunted the rest of my childhood, the latter tormented me to date. I further retreated into my shell. 

Courtesy: Akila CK

But there was a voice inside my head, which kept repeating itself that "You need to break this shell, you need to start speaking up for yourself, and you need to be CONFIDENT." It never let me sleep. Still, I did not even dare to attempt to improve my confidence. So I silenced that voice, or at least tried to, by asking, "where will I find this confidence? Is it readily available somewhere that I can go and buy it? Can I borrow it from some of the highly confident people?" 

But, I could not run away from that inner voice for long. I got tired of continually being not heard, being taken advantage of, and staying back inside my shell. And suddenly one day I decided, from now on I will be fearless. 

Ta-da! I was confident from then on. 

Haha! 

Is it that easy? 

Is it that simple?

Is it that quick? 

No one, literally no one, can become bold and outgoing overnight. There is no shortcut either. Just because I am writing a blog-post about being confident doesn't mean I am wholly self-confident now, and I fear nothing. It's just that I could gather enough courage to write it. The process of becoming confident is long, humiliating, and stressful. 

When I introspect, I see that I had started this journey from my childhood. The voice inside my head was always there, pushing me out of my shell. It's just that I never realized it.  

It was that time of my life when my teeth decided that its time to take our relationship to the next level and make it permanent. So my primary teeth started to fall out to make way for adult teeth. My family inherently has big incisor teeth. So when it was time for my adult teeth to erupt, my mother was concerned. She wanted her daughter to break the chain and have perfect teeth. When the two of the top central incisors were a little shaky, she told let's go to the dentist and get them removed. I was reluctant because I knew it would pain to pluck it out. However, every time I went to the dentist, he would suggest having ice cream afterward. Hence, I agreed by dreaming of my then favorite vanilla ice cream. The process went on as expected. Then I waited for them to grow back eagerly as my siblings and friends had already started to make fun of me. A week passed, a month passed, six months passed, but there was no sign of the teeth. I was scared that I will never have those front teeth, and people will call me grandma, which my brother had already started calling me. 

Again, my mom and I rushed to the dentist for rescue. He said we need to see if there are teeth inside the gum. I was wondering how we can see that. The last thing I expected was an X-Ray of my teeth! We went to the radiology department and got the X-ray done. I got a tiny winy envelope with a tinier winier X-ray of my teeth. Voila! My first X-ray, which I flaunted in front of my relatives and friends for a long time. For our relief, we could see the teeth in the X-ray, but there was no gap in my gum for them to come out.

Now how do we fix this? He said, "she needs to undergo a small surgery to make way for the teeth." Can you believe that? A surgery inside my mouth! I was terrified but agreed by dreaming of my vanilla ice cream. The day arrived, and the first thing they did was give me an injection on my gum. I was even more scared now, "this itself hurt me so much, then how am I going to tolerate the pain of the surgery?"

Nevertheless, I didn't even realize when the surgery was performed. Later, when I was not able to feel my mouth at all, I got to know from my mom that the injection given to me was nothing but local anesthesia. The dentist advised, "as there is a raw wound in the mouth, do not eat anything too cold or too hot for at least one week." All I could hear was the sound of my dream of eating ice cream shattering. There I was, a six-year-old girl who had experienced her first heartbreak, X-ray, local anesthesia, and a mini surgery already. As soon as the operation was completed, my teeth got their freedom back. They were so happy that they grew a few millimeters longer and broader than expected. Hence, I got the infamous bunny teeth and was prominent on my tiny face. I would try my best not to open my mouth, be it for smiling or speaking as I was embarrassed by my teeth. I stopped smiling, and I became quieter than before. Even if I had to converse, I would talk in a hushed voice as I would not open my mouth properly. My childhood photos were ruined because I was too conscious of smiling for the camera. 

It went on for years. One day I was watching the interview of one of my favorite Malayalam actresses, Kalpana, who is known for her Comedy. She was telling her journey and how she overcame her fear. One thing that she said was, " Learn to laugh at yourself, and then no one else gets the chance to make fun of you." It struck me like lightning, and it was the moment of awakening in me. From that day on, I was no more ashamed of my teeth. The "bunny teeth" converted into compliment, and the beaming smile was back. Even before people could comment, I would say something silly like, "you know what the advantage of having big teeth is, I don't need a coconut grater." I know those were poor jokes; however, it would shun others who would otherwise make fun of me. Or, even if they did, I would laugh along with them. 

Here are some of my childhood photos. I am not afraid of showing them to the world anymore, or am I? Maybe just a tiny little bit :)

Hence, the first step towards being confident is, learn to laugh at yourself. To be able to laugh at yourself, you need to accept and forgive yourself. When you do that, the confidence boost you get is immeasurable. The ultimate form of confidence is in knowing that my flaws, imperfections, and mistakes don't diminish me, but complete me. Once I stop caring about "log kya kahenge?" which translates to "what people might think about me" and begin to laugh at myself, then I will have truly embraced who I am.

Now how do we learn to laugh at ourselves? Here are the 3 points which help me in gaining confidence. These are not easy and will not happen overnight. I am still practicing them, and sometimes I succeed, and sometimes I do not. Yet, I never stop attempting.

• Stop taking yourself too seriously

We are afraid of failing and rejection, and we continuously seek approval. Hence, we want to be perfect all the time. But never forget that we all are human, and none of us is perfect. The flaws we have, the mistakes we make, and the decisions we take, make us unique. Think about the things you're bad at, try to understand yourself better, and learn to forgive yourself.

• Start Laughing at the past incidents

Think about some past mistakes you made. Maybe that time when you said something stupid in a meeting or the time you messed up during an important presentation? Instead of criticizing yourself all over again, spin the mistakes positively. Think of some small details of that experience. I am sure you will find something silly to laugh at until today.

• Try to laugh at your present mistake.

Once you are to stop expecting perfection and learn to find light moments in situations, you are ready to face the issue head-on in real-time. When it is hard to see the humor in your mistake, think, "What good getting angry or upset remarkably do to me?" If you can correct your error, then try to do so. If not, try to realize that it's just a mistake and that your best option is to laugh it off.

Let's face it: Learning to laugh at yourself is a long process. In this fast-paced world, with each new technological development, we expect that we will be able to fulfill things quicker than before. With 'instant everything,' we have lost our ability to wait. 

So, is there a way we can momentarily boost confidence instantly? Is there any Popeye's Spinach(Please Google it if you don't know who Popeye is) which we can eat and gain immediate confidence?

I will tell you in my next post.